Tool of thief, toy of queen. Always used to be unseen. Sign of joy, sign of sorrow. Giving all likeness borrowed. What am I?

Answer: A mask.

Solution:

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A mask.

What do you call a tree that has been TP’ed?

Answer: A toiletry.

Solution:

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A toiletry.

Where did Bill Clinton and all the married men who are cheating to their wives take their mistresses shopping?

Answer: At Victoria’s secret

Solution:

It has 8 arms and lots of ink but can’t write a word.

Answer: octopus

Solution:

I shrink smaller every time I take a bath. What am I?

Answer: Soap

Solution:

A pipe, a carrot, and a couple sticks are lying together in a field. Why?

Answer: They're what is left of a melted snowman.

Solution:

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They’re what is left of a melted snowman.