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What do you call a bad interior decorator?

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A great banquet was prepared for a Roman emperor and his courtiers. 22 Dormice, 40 Larks’ Tongues, 30 Flamingos and 40 Roast Parrots were served. How many portions of Boiled Ostrich were served?

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You can see me in water, but I never get wet. What am I?

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